Thinking Ahead

This was the first week I have let myself think of Fall. I have spent the summer thinking of Mike and Mel and their changing lives. Mike is leaving for college in a week. Melanie is drum major for the band, starting her junior year, and taking college courses already. I have tried not to think of the after. I didn’t want to fall apart. But the last few days, I have let myself think of the after. After Mike leaves for school, my grocery list will change. Mike has always been a meat and potatoes kid. When he’s at school, I can buy salmon, and not save it for a night he’s got plans. I can cook more exotic foods. Melanie loves to try new foods. Mike, not so much. I won’t have to buy beef. Josh, Mel and I have all converted to ground turkey….Mike was the holdout.

When he is at school, we only have one kid to shuffle to activities. No more drama practice or wrestling gyms or fantasia rehearsals. Just band and art club and guitars and strings. Less items to put on the calendar. I have spent the summer thinking of the things I will miss. It did not occur to me that there will be things that I could look forward to. Like less running, less laundry, less food (the boy can EAT). More time to spend with Joshua, and time with Melanie (although at 16, it’s the last thing on her to do list, but I can hope). I can chaperone band competitions on Saturdays and not worry where he is or did he remember to do the dishes, feed the dog. Or feel guilty that I have spent every Saturday from Sept thru Oct being gone with the band.

Maybe this whole kid at college thing will be good. Don’t get me wrong, I will miss all these things. But he will be great at Pitt. He will do amazing things with his life. And possibly, with less mundane “things” to do, maybe I could concentrate more on myself and my issues (God knows I have plenty to choose from). Or take a Monday night class.

I will try to remember these things as we move him into his new digs, as we drive away and leave him at school. He isn’t planning too many home weekends before Thanksgiving. Maybe that’s a good thing, for me and for him. He can adjust to his new life, concentrate on school, meet new people. I can adjust to one teen’s social life, and concentrate on new things too.

Doin’ Your Job Well.

When you have a child, you envision what life has in store for them. Will they do well in school, what sport will they play, will they play music, will they, will they, will they??? You HOPE their life is one of substance and purpose. My son, my first born, barely survived his first 2 years of life. Mike was born with a congenital heart defect that nearly killed him several times, and kept his father and I in a constant state of alert. Friends were afraid to babysit, for fear of another “episode”. His treatment aside from drugs was barbaric. His heart would break thru the medications and beat at 280-300 beats a minute. Babies usually have a heartbeat of 120-180. To treat this, they would wrap Mike up papoose style, and dunk his head in a tub of ice water. This sudden shock-like reaction would stop the heart and in theory re-start the heart at a normal rhythm. This was supposedly a less traumatizing treatment than using “the paddles”.

As a result of this, my “will they” game for Mike became “will he live to his third birthday”, “will the next episode be the last”, “will he ever take a bath or learn to swim” he was terrified of water. On April 1, 1993, Mike had heart surgery at the Children’s hospital at the Medical University of South Carolina. He was the youngest child his surgeon had ever performed that type of surgery to. After the surgery, we attempted to create as normal of a childhood as we could. Mike stayed small, but grew up to be a normal kid. He remembers nothing of his medical nightmare, save for a few scars on his leg, neck, and femoral area. When I think back to those dark days of his life, it is difficult to not shed tears remembering his pain and ours.

Mike is now 18. He just graduated from Northwestern High School. He leaves for college in 2 weeks. My “will they” game has changed drastically in 18 years. From “will he live” and “will he get better” to “will he love college” and “will he remember to come home sometimes, with or without laundry”. I hope that my “will they” game will evolve to “will he marry Dani” and “will they have children”. Someday, I hope. For now I am happy he is alive, a caring smart young man, and ready to start the next part of his life.

I guess the best that you can hope for as a parent is that you teach your children what they need to know about life and love, so that when it comes time for them to leave, they can go.

Where the hell did summer go?

I have lived in the Erie area for 11 years. I am used to the local phrase, “if you don’t like the weather, wait 5 minutes, it will change.” But I have to admit…I am simply pissed that it is the middle of August, and we have yet to get a good day to go to the beach. I have had 2 outdoor shows this summer, The Erie Festival of the Arts at Liberty Park, and Dan Rice Days in Girard. It rained at both. The wind blew so badly at the Arts show that I broke my tent. My new tent did NOT enjoy the constant pushing on it’s roof to spash down the rain we got at DRD. I attempted a yard sale a few weeks back. it rained all weekend. With the exception of selling the door we bought from the auction (I bought the wrong size), I made less than $50. Joshua’s company picnic was last Sunday at Waldameer. It just happened to fall on the hottest, muggiest day we have had all year. We stayed less than 4 hours. I can deal with the nutty weather this area produces in the winter, but it is seriously fucking with my summer. Even my husky, Kira, is tired of the Cybil like weather. She is the only husky I have ever known that hates water. She won’t even consider stepping outside if the grass is wet. She steps onto the concrete as long around as she can before she has to llay her paws onto wet grass. OK, I guess I am done whining about the local weather. There is an Arts/Craft show at the Harborcreek fire hall Aug 29 & 30. It is an indoor show and supposed to be really nice. If you aren’t busy, come down and see me. I could use a good show experience after the last two. Peace.