This was the first week I have let myself think of Fall. I have spent the summer thinking of Mike and Mel and their changing lives. Mike is leaving for college in a week. Melanie is drum major for the band, starting her junior year, and taking college courses already. I have tried not to think of the after. I didn’t want to fall apart. But the last few days, I have let myself think of the after. After Mike leaves for school, my grocery list will change. Mike has always been a meat and potatoes kid. When he’s at school, I can buy salmon, and not save it for a night he’s got plans. I can cook more exotic foods. Melanie loves to try new foods. Mike, not so much. I won’t have to buy beef. Josh, Mel and I have all converted to ground turkey….Mike was the holdout.

When he is at school, we only have one kid to shuffle to activities. No more drama practice or wrestling gyms or fantasia rehearsals. Just band and art club and guitars and strings. Less items to put on the calendar. I have spent the summer thinking of the things I will miss. It did not occur to me that there will be things that I could look forward to. Like less running, less laundry, less food (the boy can EAT). More time to spend with Joshua, and time with Melanie (although at 16, it’s the last thing on her to do list, but I can hope). I can chaperone band competitions on Saturdays and not worry where he is or did he remember to do the dishes, feed the dog. Or feel guilty that I have spent every Saturday from Sept thru Oct being gone with the band.

Maybe this whole kid at college thing will be good. Don’t get me wrong, I will miss all these things. But he will be great at Pitt. He will do amazing things with his life. And possibly, with less mundane “things” to do, maybe I could concentrate more on myself and my issues (God knows I have plenty to choose from). Or take a Monday night class.

I will try to remember these things as we move him into his new digs, as we drive away and leave him at school. He isn’t planning too many home weekends before Thanksgiving. Maybe that’s a good thing, for me and for him. He can adjust to his new life, concentrate on school, meet new people. I can adjust to one teen’s social life, and concentrate on new things too.

When you have a child, you envision what life has in store for them. Will they do well in school, what sport will they play, will they play music, will they, will they, will they??? You HOPE their life is one of substance and purpose. My son, my first born, barely survived his first 2 years of life. Mike was born with a congenital heart defect that nearly killed him several times, and kept his father and I in a constant state of alert. Friends were afraid to babysit, for fear of another “episode”. His treatment aside from drugs was barbaric. His heart would break thru the medications and beat at 280-300 beats a minute. Babies usually have a heartbeat of 120-180. To treat this, they would wrap Mike up papoose style, and dunk his head in a tub of ice water. This sudden shock-like reaction would stop the heart and in theory re-start the heart at a normal rhythm. This was supposedly a less traumatizing treatment than using “the paddles”.

As a result of this, my “will they” game for Mike became “will he live to his third birthday”, “will the next episode be the last”, “will he ever take a bath or learn to swim” he was terrified of water. On April 1, 1993, Mike had heart surgery at the Children’s hospital at the Medical University of South Carolina. He was the youngest child his surgeon had ever performed that type of surgery to. After the surgery, we attempted to create as normal of a childhood as we could. Mike stayed small, but grew up to be a normal kid. He remembers nothing of his medical nightmare, save for a few scars on his leg, neck, and femoral area. When I think back to those dark days of his life, it is difficult to not shed tears remembering his pain and ours.

Mike is now 18. He just graduated from Northwestern High School. He leaves for college in 2 weeks. My “will they” game has changed drastically in 18 years. From “will he live” and “will he get better” to “will he love college” and “will he remember to come home sometimes, with or without laundry”. I hope that my “will they” game will evolve to “will he marry Dani” and “will they have children”. Someday, I hope. For now I am happy he is alive, a caring smart young man, and ready to start the next part of his life.

I guess the best that you can hope for as a parent is that you teach your children what they need to know about life and love, so that when it comes time for them to leave, they can go.

This is a question I have been hearing a lot lately. I don’t really have one particular reason for my online and occasional real life absence. It’s been a lot of things, really. Mike is graduating in 3 weeks from high school. So you know that means lots of planning, invitations, mailings, and a lot of talking to people I don’t like, but it’s a small town and I have to be nice. Mike’s track season for him, Mel’s hand bell concert schedule (she performed with the Erie Jr Phil a few weeks ago). Melanie had a wickedly twisted break up with her first love, that took a while with lot’s o’ drama (not hers, just him pulling her chain and his family). Our giant burmese python died the Saturday before Easter. We buried him in the yard and planted a purple rhodi in his honor. Joshua has a new schedule at work that is driving him and I both a little nutty. Lindy (don’t think I’ve mentioned her before, but she is my mother’s sister, the cool one) and I have started a business. Designing and sewing clothing, handbags, wallets, baby items, jewelry, etc. This is the first week since February that I have not been at one or more of my machines on a daily basis. We are putting together an online store that will hopefully be up and running in a few weeks.

My calendar for this week is also full. An honors banquet tonight, where both M & M are getting recognized for something (I am hoping a scholarship for Mike, keep your fingers crossed), tomorrow Mike is getting his tattoo from Johnny at Karma Tattoo. Since Mike’s 18th bday was on mother’s day….we gave him his tat for his birthday and he is giving me a small one for mother’s day. Not your typical mother’s day fare, but I have never been the typical mother, either. Thursday is actually a down day which can prep me for Friday when I am chaperoning Mel’s Accelerated Bio class to the Cleveland Zoo. Saturday, the Guitar and Strings concert is being held in the Albion Boro Park. G&S is an informal music club at Northwestern. All the kids are pretty talented. Melanie and her friend, Melanie, have written a song and will be performing it in a 6-7song set. I am WILDLY excited to throw down a blanket, and listen to some awesome music. The concert starts at 1 if you want to join us. Bring a picnic and chill with the cool kids on Saturday!

I am sure I have left out a lot of detail but this is a quick and dirty version of why I have been MIA for the last few months.

Peace!

This is a shot taken from my backdoor this morning. I got a new camera for Christmas and have been snap happy today….

This is the same view 4 hours later

Since buying this house 2 years ago, the one room Joshua and I both wanted finished was the kitchen.  Slowly and as cheaply as we could, this room slowly came together.  The following pictures were taken after Joshua’s vacation over new Year’s.  I LOVE my new kitchen!

New Countertops (Home Depot), new stove and range hood (Sears)

Long Counter on South Wall

We ran out of Cherried oak (this was what was left over from the flooring for the upstairs), so Joshua laid a slate tile “island” in the center of the floor.  I LOVE THIS!

Dishwasher found on Craigslist for $50!  New double sink, beautiful countertop

Painted walls and ceiling with a new track light which illuminates the entire room

Everything that went into the construction of this kitchen was aquired slowly.

Kitchen cabinets- 25 years old, bought from a man in Northeast whose wife was remodeling their kitchen (I swear the new cabinets she chose looked exactly like the old ones she sold)

flooring- solid oak, cherry stained, purchased at auction for $1.57 sqft.

Wall and ceiling paint- mistints purchased at lowes for $5 a gallon

Countertops- purchased at Home Depot, this was the only purchase that we paid full price

Appliances- fridge, stove, and range hood all from sears when they have their 20% off sales.  The dishwasher Joshua found on Craigslist for $50

Light fixture- purchased at lowe’s, it was $129, but I had a coupon for $25 off a $150 purchase

I walk into this room and still can’t believe it’s in my house.  I love this kitchen!