Thinking Ahead

This was the first week I have let myself think of Fall. I have spent the summer thinking of Mike and Mel and their changing lives. Mike is leaving for college in a week. Melanie is drum major for the band, starting her junior year, and taking college courses already. I have tried not to think of the after. I didn’t want to fall apart. But the last few days, I have let myself think of the after. After Mike leaves for school, my grocery list will change. Mike has always been a meat and potatoes kid. When he’s at school, I can buy salmon, and not save it for a night he’s got plans. I can cook more exotic foods. Melanie loves to try new foods. Mike, not so much. I won’t have to buy beef. Josh, Mel and I have all converted to ground turkey….Mike was the holdout.

When he is at school, we only have one kid to shuffle to activities. No more drama practice or wrestling gyms or fantasia rehearsals. Just band and art club and guitars and strings. Less items to put on the calendar. I have spent the summer thinking of the things I will miss. It did not occur to me that there will be things that I could look forward to. Like less running, less laundry, less food (the boy can EAT). More time to spend with Joshua, and time with Melanie (although at 16, it’s the last thing on her to do list, but I can hope). I can chaperone band competitions on Saturdays and not worry where he is or did he remember to do the dishes, feed the dog. Or feel guilty that I have spent every Saturday from Sept thru Oct being gone with the band.

Maybe this whole kid at college thing will be good. Don’t get me wrong, I will miss all these things. But he will be great at Pitt. He will do amazing things with his life. And possibly, with less mundane “things” to do, maybe I could concentrate more on myself and my issues (God knows I have plenty to choose from). Or take a Monday night class.

I will try to remember these things as we move him into his new digs, as we drive away and leave him at school. He isn’t planning too many home weekends before Thanksgiving. Maybe that’s a good thing, for me and for him. He can adjust to his new life, concentrate on school, meet new people. I can adjust to one teen’s social life, and concentrate on new things too.

Doin’ Your Job Well.

When you have a child, you envision what life has in store for them. Will they do well in school, what sport will they play, will they play music, will they, will they, will they??? You HOPE their life is one of substance and purpose. My son, my first born, barely survived his first 2 years of life. Mike was born with a congenital heart defect that nearly killed him several times, and kept his father and I in a constant state of alert. Friends were afraid to babysit, for fear of another “episode”. His treatment aside from drugs was barbaric. His heart would break thru the medications and beat at 280-300 beats a minute. Babies usually have a heartbeat of 120-180. To treat this, they would wrap Mike up papoose style, and dunk his head in a tub of ice water. This sudden shock-like reaction would stop the heart and in theory re-start the heart at a normal rhythm. This was supposedly a less traumatizing treatment than using “the paddles”.

As a result of this, my “will they” game for Mike became “will he live to his third birthday”, “will the next episode be the last”, “will he ever take a bath or learn to swim” he was terrified of water. On April 1, 1993, Mike had heart surgery at the Children’s hospital at the Medical University of South Carolina. He was the youngest child his surgeon had ever performed that type of surgery to. After the surgery, we attempted to create as normal of a childhood as we could. Mike stayed small, but grew up to be a normal kid. He remembers nothing of his medical nightmare, save for a few scars on his leg, neck, and femoral area. When I think back to those dark days of his life, it is difficult to not shed tears remembering his pain and ours.

Mike is now 18. He just graduated from Northwestern High School. He leaves for college in 2 weeks. My “will they” game has changed drastically in 18 years. From “will he live” and “will he get better” to “will he love college” and “will he remember to come home sometimes, with or without laundry”. I hope that my “will they” game will evolve to “will he marry Dani” and “will they have children”. Someday, I hope. For now I am happy he is alive, a caring smart young man, and ready to start the next part of his life.

I guess the best that you can hope for as a parent is that you teach your children what they need to know about life and love, so that when it comes time for them to leave, they can go.

Where the hell have you been?

This is a question I have been hearing a lot lately. I don’t really have one particular reason for my online and occasional real life absence. It’s been a lot of things, really. Mike is graduating in 3 weeks from high school. So you know that means lots of planning, invitations, mailings, and a lot of talking to people I don’t like, but it’s a small town and I have to be nice. Mike’s track season for him, Mel’s hand bell concert schedule (she performed with the Erie Jr Phil a few weeks ago). Melanie had a wickedly twisted break up with her first love, that took a while with lot’s o’ drama (not hers, just him pulling her chain and his family). Our giant burmese python died the Saturday before Easter. We buried him in the yard and planted a purple rhodi in his honor. Joshua has a new schedule at work that is driving him and I both a little nutty. Lindy (don’t think I’ve mentioned her before, but she is my mother’s sister, the cool one) and I have started a business. Designing and sewing clothing, handbags, wallets, baby items, jewelry, etc. This is the first week since February that I have not been at one or more of my machines on a daily basis. We are putting together an online store that will hopefully be up and running in a few weeks.

My calendar for this week is also full. An honors banquet tonight, where both M & M are getting recognized for something (I am hoping a scholarship for Mike, keep your fingers crossed), tomorrow Mike is getting his tattoo from Johnny at Karma Tattoo. Since Mike’s 18th bday was on mother’s day….we gave him his tat for his birthday and he is giving me a small one for mother’s day. Not your typical mother’s day fare, but I have never been the typical mother, either. Thursday is actually a down day which can prep me for Friday when I am chaperoning Mel’s Accelerated Bio class to the Cleveland Zoo. Saturday, the Guitar and Strings concert is being held in the Albion Boro Park. G&S is an informal music club at Northwestern. All the kids are pretty talented. Melanie and her friend, Melanie, have written a song and will be performing it in a 6-7song set. I am WILDLY excited to throw down a blanket, and listen to some awesome music. The concert starts at 1 if you want to join us. Bring a picnic and chill with the cool kids on Saturday!

I am sure I have left out a lot of detail but this is a quick and dirty version of why I have been MIA for the last few months.

Peace!

Contamination Nation, part 2

Well, it’s Tuesday and Joshua went back to work last night. He is still achy and sore, but digestively sound. Mike is also still sick but he has his college classes on Tue and Thur, so he went to school today. So it’s just me still working on laundry from the great vomit-o-thon, and mel is still home.

On a high note, the cable guy is here installing CABLE!!!!!!! We agreed when we moved in that the choice was broadband internet of cable, we all chose internet.

Have a great day!

Advice needed from mothers of young ones

As my children have grown older, their interests have gone from power rangers and barney to IPods, cell phones, and xbox…I am mostly ok with that. But I think I am losing my connection to what little kids like.

My dearest friend, Christine, is having her son’s 6th birthday party this Saturday. Billy is a great kid and very much a part of you family. Since he and his sister were born (Ana is 4), all of their gifts from me have been handmade (don’t conjure up images of Ralphie and Aunt Clara’s gift, I am MUCH cooler than that).

So Billy’s party is less than a week away and I spent today crocheting this:

I was pretty impressed with myself considering it took less than 4 full hours to complete. Then my 17 year old son walks in the room and asks who it’s for, I say Billy’s birthday. So my son proceeds to tell me Billy is too old for a dinosaur and I should think about a trip to ToysR Us. I was heartbroken.

Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated.

My New Toy

Christmas was definitely interesting this year.  I awoke at 445 in the am in order to have an intimate conversation with the toilet.  I did most of the talking.  Afterwards, I felt well enough to head downstairs.  Joshua figured that since we were up, we may as well get the kids up and start enjoying presents.

The kids were VERY happy with their gifts.  Melanie spent most of the day teaching herself a song on her new acoustic guitar.  Mike spent most of his day rearranging his room to accomodate his new television.  Mostly we bought it for him to have a good one to take to college with him in the fall.  The one he had was a 12 inch that he’s had since he was 10.

Due to my early morning stomach issues, I was leery of touching any of our feast, so Mike prepped and stuffed the bird, and Melanie helped my sister with the mashed potatoes and side dishes.

Melissa and Jim came over.  From the time she walked into the house until she left, she never shut up.  Joshua and I were exhausted when they left.  I swear that my sister is an emotional vampire.  If we are together more than a few hours, I am wiped.  She is also diabetic.  At dinner, she ate a fair amount of mashed potatoes and 2 dinner rolls.  Then wondered why her sugar was so high afterwards.  When I went to serve dessert (dutch apple and pecan pies with vanilla ice cream), she stood in line with the kids for a slice.  I DON’T THINK SO.  Usually, I keep my mouth shut when it comes to her and her health issues, but I had to put my foot down.  No pie.  She was very mad at me.  I packed a slice for her to take home for the next day, but I doubt that it made it that far.

The funny thing is that this is actually the easiest Christmas Joshua and I have had in years.  Even with Melissa sucking me dry.

Ok, so on to my new toy…..Joshua gave me an embroidery machine!  I am so excited to start sewing on it!  I bought some muslin today to practice.  I think I’ll be making a lot of small bags and wine covers.

How was everyone’s Christmas!

My Christmas Wishes

For reasons far to heavy to explain, I am not a religious person, but Christmas does call to my more spiritual side.  I think it has to do with the fact that for the most part, people are nicer to each other.  People talk to one another.  It’s the one time of year that people look up from their busy lives and see what is beyond their nose and wish perfect strangers a happy holiday.

My Christmas wishes seem simplistic and small but here they are:

I wish for my daughter true love and happiness.  I wish for Melanie’s continued ability to be herself and still give to another.  She is my shining light.

I wish for my son the courage to tread his own way, be it here in little Albion or out in the big world.  Mike dances to the beat of his own drum and asks permission from no one.   I admire that.  He is my courage when I have none.

I wish for my husband safe journeys at work and to always return to us safe.  The weather can be a harsh mistress this time of year.  He is my friend, my love, my protector.  I love him more everyday.

I wish for my sisters and bother the ability to overcome our mental demons.  We cannot control what has been given to us, but we can command it’s healing.

I wish for my mother the chance to see life without Eyore’s raincloud over her.

I wish for my 2 closest friends to find peace in their homes, and to remember that there are highs and lows like waves in every marriage.  Just because you are in a low does not mean a high isn’t just around the corner.

I wish for the safe return of our brothers, sisters, sons and daughters serving in the military.

Merry Christmas Eve

B

Frank Warren and the Post Secret

Last Tuesday, Joshua and I had the pleasure of taking Melanie and her best friend, Becah, to Mercyhurst College to hear Frank Warren speak.  For those who don’t know (and there are still a few of you), Frank started Post Secret (www.postsecret.com).  As he declared in his presentation, he is the keeper of secrets.  The premise is that you create a postcard with whatever you choose, and tell a secret on the card.  It can be funny, serious, heartbreaking, whimsical, anything.

I have read a few of the books Melanie has, and checked the website a few times, but I was certainly blown away at this man’s creation and the viral spread of this movement.  He shared secrets from all over the world, and then asked people in the audience to venture to a microphone and tell a secret.  Some were hilarious, like the girl who told us that she always feigns sickness in church so she doesn’t have to shake hands with anyone.  Some were heartbreaking, like the young man who confessed he attempted suicide, failed, and is now addicted to psych meds and pain killers.

There was also a student there from Penn State’s main campus, and she told everyone that when Frank spoke last year at her school, some girls started to anonymously write secrets on the stall walls in one of the main restrooms.  The maintenance crew keeps painting over them, but the secrets keep popping up.

Melanie and Becah were both very happy we were able to be there.  Melanie’s senior project is a Post Secret exhibit with a main concentration of Albion and the surrounding areas.  If anyone would like to send and anonymous post card, you can send it here:

Melanie Vadney/Post Secret project

23 Cliff Street

Albion, PA  16401

Pitt Bradford…..here he comes

My son, Mike, got a letter today from Pitt Bradford, informing him that he has been accepted to their campus.  He was jumping up and down, I was crying, and then he texted ALL of his address book and called all our relatives.  I went to college, but did not graduate.  Mike will be the first in my family to go to a university and not a trade school or jr college.  I am so damned proud.  When did he grow up?  When did he go from a boy to a man?  I missed the ceremony, because all I see is my baby boy.  Go Pitt, go Mike.

I Heart Netflix

I am so loving my Netflix subscription lately.  My hubby and daughter have been picking some really great movies lately (I have a bunch on our “list” but somehow they keep getting lower and lower on the list).  I am not complaining, just wanting to give props to the pickers.  In the last few weeks, we have watched:

Idiocracy- a great Luke Wilson straight to DVD movie about an average Joe who is frozen for 500 years and when he wakes up, he’s the smartest man on the planet.  It describes the dumbing down of our society and how we would probably look in 500 years if we aren’t careful.  It also has great quotes (It has electrolytes,  it’s got what plants crave, go away…Batin’) to be used quite frequently around our house.

Charlie Bartlett- Charlie is kicked out of another private school and mom decides to send him to public school.  He still wears his private school uniform, and gets his ass kicked the first day of school.  Charlie’s family has a shrink on call and provides Charlie with a smorgasboard of drugs to treat his growing list of symptoms….all fake, since Charlie is then selling the drugs and his advice in the boy’s restroom stall.  You would think that since all this is some heavy subject matter that the story would have a bad ending, but it stays pretty light.  The kids and parents in this movie are all played by great actors (Robert Downey Jr is the alcoholic principal), and all is well in the end for Charlie and his friends.

Little Miss Sunshine- What can I say, we were a little behind on this one.  I remember all the hype about it from the Oscars and Sundance, which to be honest was the reason I skipped over it a few times, but now that I have actually seen it (and laughed and cried through it twice), I have decided all the hype was definitely deserved.  A hilarious family, with everyone having issues, travels from New Mexico to California so that the youngest, Olive, can enter the Little Miss Sunshine beauty contest.  On the trip, they encounter many obsticals, but they manage to get everyone there in one piece, more or or less (can’t say any more without giving out huge plot lines).  This is a great movie to watch if you need a little reminder that YOUR life ain’t so bad.

Garden State is our newest pick.  We are saving it or Sunday, since we all have busywork tomorrow.  I love Zach Braff (Scrubs), and have been waiting for this movie.  I’ll let ya’ll know how it was after Sunday.

Have a great weekend!