The Beginning and the End

Starting next week, my son will be a senior in high school.  He is registered for college classes (Gannon) on Tues and Thur as part of a federal grant given to the school to facilitate courses for high school AND college credit.  He has his books, his favorite (expensive) pens, he is ready.  I am not.

Starting next week, my best friend, Christine, will be sending her oldest child to kindergarten.  Billy is a very bright little boy, with a vocabulary way beyond his 5 years.  He did pre-school last year, so he knows the ins and outs of classtime.  Billy is ready for Kindergarten.  Christine is not.

It amazes me how our paths can be so similar and yet so very different.

There is so much change going on in my house, I am a little flustered.  Mike’s a senior, counting down the months until he is college bound.  Melanie is in full band competition mode AND she has a new boyfriend.  She went to his house this evening to eat dinner and meet his parents.  She changed her clothes 4 times today in anticipation of the visit.

Joshua is working WAY too many hours, so when he gets home, he is very tired and generally wants a beer a cigarette and the computer.  I am not sleeping again (even with meds), and it’s starting to affect my thinking and coping with all this.

Next week will be difficult for both Christine and I.  I just hope that we can support each other the way we always have, get thru it and laugh about how scared and agitated we were later on.

Entering a new place in my family life

It started yesterday.  I picked up Melanie from band practice and she tells me that TJ called her and could he come over tomorrow?  I asked what for.  She tells me he has asked her to be his girlfriend.  WOW, I have been waiting for this, but I was totally unprepared for it actually happening.  She’s 15 and most of her friends have boyfriends.  Melanie just never seemed interested in anyone, so I never asked.  He’s a sweet kid.  What impressed me most is that his dad, Chris, called to make sure that there would be an adult home.  Wow, he sounds like me.  Yes, I assured him, I would be home.  Guests are not allowed in the house without Joshua or I being home. 

We’ll see how this goes.  I think they both are first timers into the teen dating scene.  This just reminds me that she’s not a kid anymore, she’s becoming a responsible young woman.  WOW.

Are you trying to kill your mother?

Mike, my son, has been a personal trainer to 2 friends, once a week for a few months now.  I have not participated for several reasons, the biggest of which is that I have been slowly recovering from gall bladder surgery and its aftermath.  So now, they are WAY ahead of me concerning strength, endurance, and general capability.  I got the go ahead from my doc a few weeks ago to start “normal” physical activity aka start moving your ass.

Mike and I discussed the different alternatives, and we settled on Budokon.  Budokon is a cross between yoga and martial arts taught via DVD by Cameron Shayne.  I have had this DVD for over a year and used it quite often when I first had it.  The 30 minute session is 15 minutes yoga poses (sun salutation, down dog, warrior I & II, proud warrior, child’s pose, etc), and 15 minutes martial arts (single, double and triple punches, squat kicks, side kicks, skipping side kicks, etc).

We agreed we would do the DVD every week day after he got home from work, and then when school starts, when he got home from school.  Yesterday was our first day.  I was gungho, ready to do what I had to do to start getting into a shape that wasn’t round.  We did the entire 30 minutes, and I was fine, only one yoga position gave me trouble.

I wake up this morning and I am SORE.  My legs, stomach, rib cage, even my arms are sore sore sore.  Who knew a little of this and a little of that would produce such a quick result.  So I go about my day, going into Erie for 3 docs appts, running a few errands, etc.  All the while I am thinking, wow, this Budokon really works.  I get home from Erie, and Mike is on his way to a babysitting job.  Whew, I think.  He’s going to be gone most of the evening, he’ll forget all about the “do it every day” agreement.  Unfortunately, Mike’s babysitting gig ended very early and he walks thru the door at 745, and says, “woman, get your workout clothes on, Budokon in 10 minutes”.  Shit….he remembered.  It was harder today, I am a little scared to see how tomorrow’s gig goes.  Well, at least I am moving….

Mike is Growing Up

For those of you that don’t know, Mike is my son.  Parents sometimes (especially when they are teens) “forget” how old their child is, then something happens and you are forced back into reality with how old they really are.  Mike is 17.  I am not ready to admit/accept that he is almost an adult and has started to make his own decisions.  My journey of being thrust back into reality started with a damn scrapbook.

At graduation parties, is is typical to see a “growing up” photo album of the grad.  This was mentioned to me when I told a friend I was working to organize the boxes and boxes of pictures I have.  She mentioned the grad book, and I filed it in my brain in that far away, not gonna happen anytime soon folder. 

Two weeks ago, we attended a grad party for a friend of the family’s.  Sitting there next to the presents was THE BOOK.  And it hit me.  Like a thunderbolt.  Mike is 17, he will be a senior in the fall.  He will start applying to colleges.  He will leave home.  All of these thoughts were swirling in my head like a tornado.  I had to sit down, I got a little dizzy.

Eventually the tornado stopped and I thought about THE BOOK.  If I started it now, then I could go slow, selecting pictures and momentos that meant a lot to Mike, not just some photo album thrown together at the last minute.  I envisioned something he would enjoy and take with him into adulthood.  I started filling the book this weekend.  The first pages are pictures of him at birth, so beautiful and tiny.  I made it through his first Christmas and birthday alright.  I lost it when I came across a picture of Mike standing in a hospital room, al kinds of wires connected to him to watch his heart.  His arms were outstretched, showing the bruises, war wounds of his heart surgery the day before.  He was almost 3.  I remember the day the photo was taken.  Mike wanted to show off what he called his “special radio”.  I didn’t want to take the picture.  I didn’t want to remember that he would have died without this surgery.  I didn’t want to remember how he suffered the torture of multiple hospital visits, and all the pokes and prods and tests and x-rays.

I asked Mike, did he want this photo in the book?  Yes, he said.  How else would anyone know he was a survivor?  His surgery was executed through catheters run through his femoral and brachial arteries.  No scars, he said, just the picture.  It was at this moment that I knew Mike was ready to be a senior, to look for colleges, to be a man, and to be an adult.

So the picture is in the book.  Mike was right, it should be there.  If it wasn’t for that surgery, there would be no senior night, no SAT’s, no prom, no Michael.  I am so proud of his insight, his ability to think of situations differently than most.  I know that I will spend this summer preparing myself for all the activities being a senior involves, but I know that Mike is ready.   

My kids, other people’s kids, and technology today

How do you impress 2 teenage kids?  Why you give them their very own cell phones!  We had been planning this for a while, and the right offer came along.  So, all 4 of us have cell phones.  They are pretty stoked and my bill is practically staying the same.

It amazes me the technology our children take for granted, like it’s always been there.  I am not ancient by any means (34 and not ashamed of it), but you see all these kids today with a cell phone, an IPOD, etc.  There is even a kid at my daughter’s school who carries a laptop (I still don’t know why he needs it in school, but hey, I am not his mom).  Zip drives, dvd’s, the Nano, the IPOD video, digital cameras, it’s just crazy.  I don’t begrudge any parent who bestows these items onto their children, hell I am just as guilty, but I feel the need to draw the line on dvd players with multi screens in mini vans.

Are these kids so bored they MUST have Spongebob for the trip to the store or Grandma’s house?  Here’s a hell of a suggestion, take a book or two, color books, mad libs.  These things all generate creativity from the children.  Maybe I am biased.  All 4 of us are voracious readers.  I just don’t get the dvd players in the vans.  Any thoughts pro or con?  I’d love to hear from parents who can’t live without their technology.

Help! My living room floor is covered in teenage girls!!!!!!

Melanie turned 15 on the 5th.  She wanted a sleepover party, so we sent out invitations and the party was last night.  Despite the weather, 10 girls and my best friend and her family were able to make it.  Yesterday was the longest day I can remember in a long while.  I baked 3 pizzas from scratch, 2 cakes, and 5 dozen cookies.  The actual party was a lot of fun.  All the girls were so polite, and very giggly.  It was a terrific realization that all these girls (ages from 13 to 17) are all, smart, talented (most are in the marching band), AND beautiful.  The world is very blessed with the future of these ladies.

I don’t think anyone fell asleep before 5 am.  I am sitting here, blogging in the dining room, and  the couch, the 2 recliners, and the entire living room floor is covered in an eclectic array of blankets, pillows, the dogs, and the sleeping girls. 

What made last night very special to me is that, despite all my mental health issues lately, I was able to host the party, and the sleepover afterwards, all on my own without a single panic attack or crying jag.  This in itself is monumental.  Joshua was stuck in Springfield, Ohio and had to stay in a hotel last night.   What usually takes him 5 hours to drive took him almost 11 1/2 hours yesterday.

So, the party was a success, and I am doing ok in the aftermath.  The worst thing about last night was the weather, and the funniest thing was when Billy (my best friend’s 5 year old) very politely asked Melanie if he could stay at the sleepover, too.  All the girls did a collective “awww/giggle”, and Billy just ate up all the attention.  Eventually, we convinced him he couldn’t stay since he didn’t bring pajamas or his sleeping bag.  He seemed satisfied with this answer and went home with Mommy and Daddy.